Saturday, June 16, 2007

I am always amazed watching how God encourages me when I need it the most. I have had a rougher night. We are tired but can't sleep. Rara is having trouble sleeping. She fell asleep about 1:30am last night, up about 7:30am. No nap today and it's after 11pm and we are still up. I'm emotional, she's emotional.

Her IV was hurting her and gave out. So they had to move it to the other hand. They tried unsuccessfully in the arm, and then moved to her hand. She is starting to really cry when they do things to her. Her brave front is turning to tears. She is SO tired of this and just said "I just want to go home."

Oh, honey! So do I. I just want you home, with everyone else and we can walk away from all these people poking and prodding.

I'm discouraged. I don't want to see anyone. I don't feel like talking. I just need to write. But before I do I check bloglines. This is one of the newly posted:

This Is What I Need Right Now
There is nothing--no circumstance, no trouble, no testing--that can ever touch me until, first of all, it has gone past God and past Christ right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a great purpose, which I may not understand at the moment. But as I refuse to become panicky, as I lift up my eyes to Him and accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, no circumstance will cause me to fret, for I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord is--that is the rest of victory!

Yes Lord. I'm listening. This is for purpose and I will still choose to trust you.

I know that compared to so many, this is not a major trial. I know nothing of true worry for your kid. But for me, in this trial right now, I am struggling to choose to trust him. I know that he is in control. I know that I can do nothing.

Please pray for strength for her and me. Please know that we know she is loved and prayed for, even though I'm not necessarily calling, or even answering the phone at times. Nothing personal. I just need to cowboy up right now, not get even more down. I am surviving. She is unbelievably strong. Just please don't ask me how I'm doing. I'm on auto-pilot and I am ok. I will not wallow.

I do appreciate you all that have commented or called. This is how I deal with things. Thanks for listening. Happy Fathers day to all (possibly another post on that later)

1 comment:

melody is Slurping Life said...

Oh De! Preparing to move has kept me from my regular blog reading and I had no idea.

I am so relieved to read Rara came through surgery and is doing well. Hey, I've been through surgery with all my boys several times, each time is just as frightening as the time before. They take your child away from you!!

My prayers for Rara's continued healing. How is Desti? When it rains it pours, huh? {{{HUGS}}}